back to work

I go back to work on monday. I will have to leave Tristan for the first time at day care and it is such a scary thing to think about! I found a good day care center and he will only be there for the four hours that I am working, but it still is nerve wracking to leave such a little baby in the care of someone else while I leave him. It is not an option for me right now to stop working. Working is the only way I can keep my health insurance and Tristans health insurance. We applied for medicaid for Tristan but we have not heard yet whether or not he is eligible. I think he may not be because we have too much money in our savings account from when Jake was in Iraq. BUT the money in that savings account pays the extra bills right now since Jake and I both only have part time jobs. On another note (which makes me feel guilty sometimes) I don't want to stop working. I think I would go crazy if I stayed at home all the time. I know it is great for children to be raised by a stay at home mom, but I can't imagine not working. I have realized over these six weeks at home with Tristan that you have to have a lot of patience and be super organized in order to be a stay at home mom. Needless to say patience is the least of my virtues and the independent feeling i get at work I really enjoy. I also feel like I learn so much at work every day I can't imagine not learning new things and improving my resume! If we were in a better place I would probably stay at home with Tristan until he was older, but my husband and I both believe that you should not live off of the government if you can help it and that you should work to avoid taking advantage of the system. I don't think getting medicaid is taking advantage because most working people cannot afford health insurance right now. However I don't want to be forced into food stamps and welfare because I'm too selfish to work. You have to make your own way in this world and if you can take care of yourself you should.